Housework Harmony: Building a loving partnership through domestic cooperation by Andrew McAllister

Author:Andrew McAllister [McAllister, Andrew]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Andalusia Press
Published: 2014-01-07T05:00:00+00:00

Noticing and Being Proactive

Let’s circle back to that Category #2 discussed above — ways you can show her that you care besides doing actual housework. This is good news for guys, because this is where you get your biggest bang for the buck, so to speak.

Let’s start with a freebie, a no-cost way you can get the ball rolling. When was the last time you told your wife what a wonderful mother she is? Think about giving her a hug, pulling back to look her in the eyes and saying, “You know what? The kids and I are so lucky to have you, because you’re an amazing mother.” You might believe she already knows you feel this way, but it will still mean a lot to her for you to say it explicitly, right out loud.

Or how about simply noticing the work she’s done. “Wow,” you might say to her, “somebody’s been working hard. Thank you. The place looks great!” It’s hard for her to feel taken for granted when you make it clear that you notice and appreciate her efforts. This takes zero time on your part, but already you’ve started making her feel better.

Maybe you walk in at the end of your work day and the living room looks like someone blew up a Lego factory. You could treat it like a problem and think, “Doesn’t she clean anything while I’m gone?” Don’t go there. Chances are she was run ragged all day and the place would look even worse if you had been the one at home. So treat it like an opportunity. Ask her how her day went. Tell her how much you appreciate everything she did. Ask how you can help make her day better, and then do so. Spend half an hour giving her a break and you’ll definitely add some polish to your hero halo.

Now here’s a big one, and this is so easy to do once you’re aware of it. Pick a household task (or two or three) that you don’t mind doing, maybe something that is generally considered to be your responsibility. Consider taking out the kitchen garbage as an illustrative example. To you this job consists of pulling out the full bag, tying it closed, walking the bag outside to the garbage bin, and finally popping a fresh bag into the can in the kitchen. The total time on task averages under a minute. Easy peasy, right?

Wives have described the same task to me this way. On Monday she notices the can is full and wishes you would empty it. She doesn’t say anything, though, because she doesn’t want to nag. The garbage from Tuesday’s dinner needs to be jammed into the can so it won’t overflow, but still she grits her teeth and doesn’t mention it. By Thursday the garbage is starting to smell and the real estate on top of the can looks like a miniature version of the Himalayas. She watches with incredulity as you toss yet another banana peel on top and merrily walk away.

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